isci Archives - Egg Donor Angels

So we are 24 plus weeks and are still super nervous xox

Hey everyone xoxox

wow what a roller coaster ride this has been… transfer was done, we got a positive home pregnancy test and then a positive blood HCG test result but as many of you would know having been through this, this is on the start of the many milestones that you have to pass until that little baby is in your arms xox

Our HCG levels continued to rise which was great but on the June Monday long weekend public holiday and I started to bleed… at first it was a bit then within a few hours I was bleeding with large clots and almost non stop, it was just so awful and scary (sorry for the too much information) absolutely terrified and thinking we were losing the baby I said to Shane we need to go to the hospital…

We went to Katoomba hospital as we felt on a public holiday it would be quieter than Nepean… and it was… thank goodness they put us in a room where I continued to bleed and every time I went to the toilet I was petrified our little one was lost to us (again sorry for the TMI 🙂 xox)

We were beyond terrified, the bleeding and clots continued and we were sure this was it, we’d miscarried.. as were the hospital team. The on call Ob assessed me and offered us to do a currette but Shane and I wanted to make sure we had lost the baby before we took any action. I asked if they could do an ultrasound at almost 6 weeks, surely they would know if the little one was still there but they don’t have a full time/permanent ultrasound technician or one on call… the Ob suggested we do bloods and compare with the past weeks HCG levels and we totally agreed… so we waited whilst these came back and they admitted me as a patient as they were concerned about my blood loss and thought they would be doing surgery. I was on nil by mouth in preparation for surgery and when the bloods came back with a rise in HCG levels, we had no definitive answer, if only we could do an ultrasound! They put me in maternity in a room and kept me nil by mouth as they were still concerned about my blood loss and I spent a stressful night there with very little sleep researching online the option of going back to Cape Town as we have good quality embryo’s in the freezer there…

They suggested to do bloods the next morning and see if there was another rise if they didn’t have to do emergency surgery and we would go from there… I stopped bleeding that night but I felt totally awful, stressed, sick and exhausted..

Finally mid morning they took blood and hours later we got the results back.. oh my goodness they had risen again.. not hugely but enough to say the pregnancy was still viable.. though again if only we could do an ultrasound 🙂

They said i’d lost a lot of blood and needed to be on strict rest as i’d potentially had a subchorionic hematoma and they wanted me to stay another night as they feared if I went home I wouldn’t rest and they wanted to monitor me still. And knowing me whilst the pregnancy was so precious, I’m not good at sitting still and not doing anything hehehe.

So another sleepless night there waiting for the ultrasound the next morning.. yes they do them Monday’s, Wednesdays and Fridays but not on public holidays and no one on call.. argghhhhhh it was awful and all we wanted was an answer.

Finally they wheeled me down to the ultrasound and the whole room was filled with a nervous energy… he tried to do an external scan but couldn’t see anything, that stressed me more, as often they can see something at that stage externally.. so he did an internal, we all held our breaths and with great surprise and relief he announced I’ve got a heartbeat… I had to ask him to repeat it.. I think I took my first real breath for days… I think everyone in the room took a breath and then had tears, I knew that this was great but it was just one hurdle to overcome of many…

The heartbeat was good and he confirmed there was a subchorionic hematoma … I can’t believe our little one held on through all of that… we went back to the room and the Ob was so happy he came and saw us straight away but with very strict instructions.. ‘you must rest, no heavy lifting, no lifting at all for weeks, take it easy’ etc. I didn’t care, this baby is too precious for us and I’d do anything to ensure bubs was safe…

So home we went happy but still super nervous as we could still lose the baby… now unusually for me I pretty much obeyed the Ob and Shane.. but I knew I had to, I was at too much risk of losing the baby not to. Any woman/couple who have had a bleed in the pregnancy will know and understand the fear of seeing any blood, it almost consumes you and you stop breathing at those moments when you expect to see blood and breath again when there’s none…

I rested and I’ve been super quiet as I’ve had no choice… of course this pregnancy has been riddled with humps, Liam’s pregnancy was really quite easy when we expected it not to be and this one we thought would be ok, lol, never assume I say… hehehe

I’ve had amazing support, with Egg Donor Angels just growing and growing, I asked some lovely and awesome women to admin the groups with one that had already been helping me for years and they have been fabulous and I can’t thank them enough, Katherine, Natalie, Lauren, Kasey and Christine, love you girls xox This has helped me to somewhat stay on top of the many emails, phone calls, advertisements, private messages and Facebook page updates, thank goodness.

I had terrible “all day sickness” again with this pregnancy and awful hives from the medications, thankfully this stopped by about week 14ish.. but thanks to my breast cancer chemo my reflux becomes horrendous during pregnancy, so that’s been fun but my amazing GP Dr Merchant has helped with some safe medication for it, not a cure but a huge help.

We were going through the high risk pregnancy unit at Nepean originally but upon advice from my GP we moved to Dr Pardy and we are super excited that his team expands next year with my two favorite obstetricians just in time for this bubs arrival, wooohoooooo love these two xoxox pity our previous awesome and gorgeous midwife can’t be there as well, but you never know, I know she’ll be visiting us though xoxox

I had a “discharge” about 6 weeks ago where I was told to present at Nepean emergency where Liam and I spent the day waiting and nervous… what they did diagnose was that I had really high blood pressure and when I went to see the Ob for the next few visits this was highlighted and eventually I was put on medication to try and bring it down. Our fabulous GP has been also monitoring this closely as well thank goodness and after increasing my medication, it’s coming down but again I’m on strict rest argghhhhh … after moving GP’s due to my previous GP’s lack of duty of care in diagnosing my breast cancer earlier, we found our awesome GP :).

The lovely blood pressure medication makes me feel exhausted and of course being pregnant and running after a very active 19 month old along with the day to day life and Egg Donor Angels and other projects, I’m not surprised lol.. not whinging we wanted this so much but I have to say it’s been rather tough and there are days that I’m not sure how I got through them 🙂

We’ve also had some concerns with bubs, he’s (yes that’s right it’s a boy :)) a bit small for his age/gestation, he’s possibly got a hole in his heart, possibly got a genetic issue (low risk) and my amniotic fluid is low… so we’ve had quite a few scans and need to do more to monitor all of this and more Dr’s and specialists appointments… we’ll be glad when he’s here safe and sound xox

So that’s where we’re at, I started writing this post around the 12 week mark and I’ve gone back to it a few times only to not finish it, today I was determined to finish it as I know many of you are wondering how it’s all going and why I’ve been so quiet xox

I’m so sorry if I’ve missed Birthday’s, emails, messages, calls etc. I’m so sorry but I’ve truly been taking it easy so we don’t lose this baby and with all the issues.. and the usual exhaustion now exacerbated by the pregnancy, I have been a bit quiet, I hope you’ll forgive me and understand and once bubs is here and we’ve settled in things will return to a more “normal” as best it can with two little ones lol.

Thanks everyone for your love and support and even though we have all this going on, we still want to hear from you and see you, I just might not be as proactive as I normally am at the moment xoxox

And here he is a few weeks ago xoxox

Transfer done, now the 2ww xox

It’s our last full day in Cape Town and whilst we are looking forward to going home there is a tinge of sadness to leave this beautiful city and the friends we have made along our journey xox

Our egg donor gave us some wonderful eggs and we ended up with 2 fabulous quality embryo’s to transfer and 6 in the freezer 🙂

Transfer was Monday and all went wonderfully and we are now in the 2ww nervously… each step is so very hard, its the decision to use an egg donor or for us to do another cycle after our last miscarriage and negative, it’s the process of seeing if your egg donor is suitable then the cycle begins and are they responding and well and will you get good quality embryo’s that give you the best possible chance xox

Its the egg collection and how many fertilise, then how are they going at each stage and how many embryo’s you have and what quality they are…

Then of course once you’ve done the transfer it’s the waiting, listening to your body and each twinge and symptom brings about “could we be pregnant?”… the hormones play with your body and your mind as does the emotions of the whole journey… your hopeful and you want this so badly but you also know there’s always that risk/chance its not going to be successful….it’s a numbers game… you do everything you can to ensure the best possible outcome, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, endo scratch, hysteroscopy, vitamins, supplements and so the list goes on..

I know many of you reading this will relate either doing your own IVF with your own eggs and doing IVF using an egg donor… it’s a roller coaster of emotions and whilst you try to “not stress” and “not think about it too much” and “relax” you know your mind is there in that place xox

I will do a future post about Cape Town, what to see and do as it is a beautiful city and the people are lovely xox

We have done some further sightseeing, we did Kirstenbosch gardens, Moyo restaurant for Mother’s Day, Simons Town, Bree Street and the famous Mount Nelson Hotel High Tea. Every day we have done a lovely walk along the bay and have had a great time with Liam playing in the playgrounds. We found a great children’s playground along the waterfront that’s fenced and gated with a track for him to ride his tricycle around and a swing, slide and climbing stuff.. he’s loved playing and riding his trike and it’s been wonderful having this family time… Liam’s made many friends, he just loves to people watch and he’s so friendly smiling and chatting to the locals…

We got to catch up with some friends we’ve made here previously and that was lovely, though not enough time and we hope that when we bring Liam back when he’s older we will have more time to spend with them.

I’m nervous to write anymore about our chances of success or if I think we are successful, I plan to do a home pregnancy test probably around day 8 or 9 just before bloods and even just writing that makes my heart skip a beat…

To those that are thinking of going overseas, don’t be afraid of doing this, so many are going and are successful, it’s not as scary as you think, most clinics are as good as Australia/the USA, are reasonably priced and the success rates are very good… and I’m happy to chat to you about it …

I’ve been wearing my Mum’s heart locket here with a photo of her and Dad in it so she’s with us and my lucky elephant from a good friend… and of course all the hope and good wishes from our friends xoxox

Fingers and toes crossed we are pregnant with a sibling for Liam… chat soon, love from us xoxox

So it’s been a while……sorry :(

Gosh I’m sorry it’s been a while since I have written anything, I hoped to do it regularly but a wee thing called breast cancer just got in my way.. plus all the usual day to day stuff 🙂 I hope to get back into it more soon…

Thank you to everyone for all your support and patience, I have tried where possible to approve ads really quickly and reply really quickly but there have been days where I have just been too sick to do it 🙁 and it’s also been very difficult to do it from a hospital bed.

It’s been a crazy 2 1/2 years, since my diagnosis, I have had a mastectomy, FEC90 chemo x 4 sessions every 3 weeks and that was crap (nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, mouth ulcers, lack of appetite, hair loss and much much more), I was admitted for a week plus to hospital for low white blood cell count and infections after this first chemo, then I had to have a port put in as my veins collapsed in my arm and they couldn’t get a vein for the chemo, I then had another chemo taxol weekly for 12 weeks and that too was crap 🙂 (absolute exhaustion to the point I couldn’t walk or move, I lost my toe nails and my finger nails went extremely brittle, I lost feeling in my toes and fingers and it’s still as bad today which potentially no fix in site.. and again much much more), then I did radiation every weekday for over 4 weeks and that gave me a lovely tan, well actually really really bad sunburn with blisters… I also started a therapy called Herceptin through the port for a year as I was HER positive, I then had my reconstruction and 5 weeks later was rushed to hospital with massive infections and pain and subsequently had to have the implant removed.. then about 4 weeks later the wounds opened up and I had two lovely holes in my side where I could see inside myself :)… so my specialist got me to have them dressed daily for weeks, then sent me to Prince of Wales hospital daily for hyperbaric oxygen treatment to see if that would heal them, that was fun from Faulconbridge in the Blue Mountains on the morning train to Central railway station then by bus to Randwick and back home again in the afternoon… when that wasn’t working after 12 weeks, they did a CT scan to find that I had Osteoradionecrosis, a rare condition where the radiation and infections had caused the tissue and skin and some of my ribs to die… so they I had to have a lat dorsi where they took skin, muscle and tissue from my lower back and pulled it through to my front to give that area circulation and skin to heal…. but wait there’s more 🙂 so then once that was healed I had the expander put in, another surgery, and then they inflated it slowly to stretch the skin out and then finally about 7 weeks ago I had the implant put in… so we are on the home stretch, yay!!

Sorry a boring lot of detail and I am sure I have forgotten lots of extra treatment and stuff…. but that’s the quick snapshot 🙂 of course there were weekly/daily specialist appointments, lots of pain and exhaustion and so much more…

So the great news for me is that my egg donor angel did another cycle whilst I was still going through treatment and we have 11 snow babies on ice waiting for us. I have just had full scans and yes am cancer free, yayyyyy, we are full steam ahead on doing a cycle and a transfer.

This Tuesday I have a d+c to clear my uterus of all those nasty chemo drugs and other chemicals… then my body will heal whilst we go away to Melbourne to visit family and once we return we will do our first transfer, sometime around the end of September.

It’s been a long, exhausting and emotional journey for us and I hope that our dreams will now become reality and this Christmas I can celebrate knowing that the next one, we will have our own family.

So what about you?? I have had lots of wonderful news whilst going through all of this of babies being born through couples meeting their egg donor angels through here and lots of couples and egg donor angels currently going through the process. Some sad news where the cycles haven’t worked or the couples have decided to not continue looking 🙁

I am soooooo very excited, every week this site is growing and more and more wonderful egg donor angels are placing ads or contacting couples offering to help, when I started there were so many of us looking and not many angels…. but now we are getting the word out there about egg donation, infertility we are getting many more successes., thank you to everyone for this and please keep spreading the word xox

I was in Springwood at my local shops the other day and typical me, found any opportunity to talk about egg donation and Egg Donor Angels and infertility, that I was chatting to a shop assistant and she said if she had know years ago after having her children, she would have donated her eggs…

But the most important message I had for her was to be aware of her daughters fertility and as they get into their thirties to get themselves checked out and if they aren’t ready yet or haven’t found the right one yet, freeze their eggs…

When we are young, we are told “don’t get pregnant”, “go on the pill”.

At school, we learn the basics of reproduction but no one teaches you about infertility and its conditions and how age affects it and how our fertility starts to decline after 35…. I am not saying all young women should get pregnant or have babies earlier, everyone is different and each person needs to do this when they are ready… but I want every girl/woman to totally understand how it all works, the issues and even the simple thing of how ovulation works…

Well that’s it from me…I would love to hear how you are going..

xoxox

The Big C!

There’s no easy way to start this post, so here goes… 4 weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Now I have always said cancer scares me but just never thought it would be me. We had just said goodbye to a friend on the 27th January to cancer, she lived with us for over 3 months while renovating her house next door and then within two days of moving into her dream home, she was diagnosed with cancer. It was in her bones, her lungs and her breast and they didn’t know which was the primary and which was the secondary and which one to treat.. sadly she fought it for a while but her body was riddled, goodbye Nellie, you are missed…

We spent the last four months of 2011 doing our donor egg cycle and two transfers where sadly we miscarried. At the same time I had a really bad flu and had a some symptoms that I put down to the IVF drugs. I mentioned the scab on my nipple to my GP at the appointment I had with her re my flu and first miscarriage and she said to come back…. I went back in December about it and another issue and she looked at it, said “hhmmm, it’s probably the IVF drugs” and dismissed it. In the meantime I had googled “scab on nipple” and nothing came up, discharge, leaking etc came up but not this one.. so I thought it must be the hormones and trusted my GP. About 6 weeks ago I felt a huge lump in my breast and immediately booked into my GP to get it checked out. She said let’s do an ultrasound, I said what about a mammogram, she ummed and erred and then did the request. On the day of the scans, I knew they had found something being a Friday I had to wait all weekend, and of course when my GP was calling me Monday morning for an appointment to discuss the scans/results I knew that it was bad news. She said it appears to be DCIS, which was a better one to have…. sadly when we got to meet with our cancer surgeon 10 days later it was worse than that. It was high grade DCIS and invasive breast cancer and probably in my lymph nodes.

So here I am at 1am in the morning with only 9 hours before they operate and do a mastectomy on my right breast and remove all my lymph nodes. Sadly I say a fond farewell to a part of me that makes me I guess a woman but the learning I have is that it’s not me, what’s inside is me. I will start chemo in about 4 weeks for a few months or more where I will lose all my hair and probably grieve again, silly but it’s part of the process….. and then radiation most likely. So this speed hump is putting a pause on our dream of a family but it will not stop us from achieving that dream…

So I now have some work to do, hopefully get some sleep and then up at 6am to get ready for another journey in my life… will post again soon with an update…

Cherish your dreams and make them a reality… xox

Another Christmas without our own family to share it with… when does this heartache stop…

Sorry to start the post on a downer but I know many of you will know these emotions and feelings……

Sadly we had another miscarriage, this time we knew by the second blood test, my HCG levels dropped signficantly so I stopped the meds straight away. The great news is my donor is going again for us but it’s going to be a few months due to personal commitments and we have moved to another clinic. I will do a separate post on this later as finding and researching a clinic is really important and knowledge is powerful in this emotional process.

Since then I have done blood tests and further ultrasounds to help us with the miscarriages before we go again. I knew I had a condition called Adenomyosis but yesterdays ultrasound confirmed it which is not good as mine seems quite bad. Now I am dreading next weeks appointment with the Dr as I suspect he is going to say it’s not good news and our chances are slim or none of holding a baby…. fingers crossed that he has some ideas on how to manage or help it… unfortunately the condition is not fixable 🙁 Normally they recommend a hysterectomy!!

So another Christmas and we still don’t have our dream. How do I feel?? Unbelievably sad but then grateful for what I do have but then overwhelmed by the sadness… How do you turn the corner on this, is it acceptance of your fate and move on with your life, do I keep trying until there is no hope at all?? My TCM lady said to me recently it will happen for me as I am the most determined person she knows in regard to this, however now I am not so sure. Even when the Dr told me 6 years ago things were not good and even when we tried and tried and I came to terms with an egg donor, I was still determined to realise the dream… now I am not so sure it can be realised.

My fear is that while I am putting this in writing, many of you going through the same thing are going to worry that this will be your fate, please don’t xox. As many of you know this is part of the process and I am documenting this as its normal and we need to know that. Surprisingly I am quite a shy and private person and this post is especially hard as it’s not like me to admit some defeat, give in or let it get to me but I feel it’s important as if I am going through this, then many of you have, will go or are going through this and we need to support each other.

The hardest part is to pull myself out of it, normally I am really good at this, like any of us, you have a sad or emotional day and then you wake up the next day, smile and get on with it. This time it’s a bit harder, I bounce back for a day or week and then I have another “ho hum” day….. It may not help that I am on the hormones as the Dr is doing a uterus biopsy next week as part of his investigation into the miscarriages.

So what next for me.. well I need to pull myself out of this, I need to get to next weeks appointment and hear what he says and take it from there. Will keep you updated and please talk to me about this if you want to either through email or here on our Facebook page….

xox

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Where do I start…..

Hi everyone,

Sorry it’s been a while, it’s been a rather hectic few months. We renovated a house, were going through the process of starting our Egg Donor Cycle, had work commitments, went away for a well-earned break (I worked throughout the holiday but still relaxed!) and had the usual day-to-day stuff going on.. you all know how it is 🙂

So where are we at?…. well we did our first cycle with our Egg Donor, yay.. we ended up with 6 snow babies, we had 2 transferred and have 4 still on ice. That was about 8 weeks ago… the day after we came home from the cycle I came down really sick with the flu and for the next 6+ weeks, couldn’t do anything but get out of bed to do work for my clients and then go back to bed to rest. During that we found out that we were pregnant, we were so excited and as you do when you are an IVF’er, were a bit nervous, then got excited and started to plan.. sadly a few weeks later I miscarried the baby, my HCG hormone levels started to drop and within days I miscarried. It’s an awful thing and my heart goes out to every couple that have gone through this, apparently 1 in 3 women have a miscarriage, some don’t sadly know, they just have a really really bad period. For over a week I battle the bad flu as well as the extreme pain of the miscarriage and in between dealt with the sadness of it all.

But the one thing that keeps us IVF’ers going is the plan, what’s next… as hard as it is. So my plan is to have a period in about 2 weeks and then start a new cycle and fingers crossed, lots of hope and prayers, this one will stick and we can tell the world that we are going to be a family.

An update on my website as well, I have removed this cost for the time being. I have spent thousands of my own money creating this site and paying for advertising for previous ads but at the moment going through our own journey and with work commitments, I have decided to remove the charge to advertise on this site for the moment… Good Luck with your search for your Egg Donor Angel and we will keep you updated on our journey…

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Update

Ok, so I have been a bit slack, I am just not very good at “blogging” and we have been away for our holiday.

Had a great time, we relaxed, stayed in lots of free campsites, over half the trip was done free camping. Some of the rest stops we camped in were just great, one of our favs was about 24kms out of Longreach. There were dirt tracks behind the main rest stop area that you could park in, light a campfire and look at the stars – it was just wonderful, oh and we had mobile phone reception, not that we really had time or used it that much 🙂

We got all the way to Darwin, through outback QLD and up the main highway, stopping at some of our favourite places, Mataranka, Daly Waters and Litchfield. We swam lots and the warm weather was wonderful. At Litchfield, Wangi Falls were closed due to the high rainfall and the late wet season but we found a couple of new places to swim, one was Walker Creek – WOW. We bushwalked about 3kms to get to it, it was a plunge pool at the bottom of small cascading waterfalls and we swam with fish and water dragons etc. It was just wonderful.

We have been back a couple of weeks but it’s been rather hectic, catching up with stuff which we are still doing but getting there.

The most exciting news is that we have started our donor cycle – Yay! I am calmly excited if that’s possible 🙂 The trip away gave me some time to truly think and reflect and let go of my demons and regrets, so now I am ready for this journey and the next phase of our wonderful life together.

I love Shane very much and so glad that we are doing this together, he is a wonderful person. I love my donor and can’t wait to also share this exciting journey with her xox

Will keep you all updated, thanks for your support, thoughts and wishes xox

hhhhhmmmm still thinking :-)

Yep still thinking about it….. though after last nights run where my feet were so cold I couldn’t feel them for the first 10 minutes, all I can think about is warm weather. Of course it appears I have Raynauds syndrome which doesn’t help, in the past two years my fingers and toes are quite often frozen and go white with no circulation…

Speaking of the run, now I am not normally an gadget person personally, I love them for businesses but not necessarily for myself…. but on my HTC desire I have loaded Runkeeper and tried it for the first time last night and it’s awesome. I don’t plan to share with the world my details on it but it’s just great for my goal setting. I think I understand some of the hype about “apps”. So then after I woke up when Shane got home last night, well this morning, I lay awake with my brain going 100mph thinking about work and then what apps I could develop for businesses and in terms of my favourite topic infertility.

So what to do about our holiday… another issue is that my cycles have been so erratic, well nothing for almost a year that I feel I need to use the pill to give me a couple of good cycles before we get a little embie to try to attach itself. They need nice snug uterus linings to attach to 🙂 sorry if too much detail! I need to send my ultrasound report to my Dr and see what she says, once reading that she might suggest to wait a cycle or two for this reason.

So another wet miserable day in Sydney, but again the fires on and I have work to do. If it was a nice sunny day I would feel guilty for being indoors so it’s probably a good thing.

Well I need to go and collect firewood, finish these presentations, do some filing, ring my Mum, do some housework and later do my dog walk, run and workout…

Thanks for listening xo

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Getting closer…

Hey,

This week has been a great week, we are getting much closer to our dream, thank you our egg donor angel, we love you but not just for this gift but because you are the person you are no matter what happens xox

I have been busy with work, trying to get people to attend the Cystic Fibrosis Australia and Bipolar Education Foundation Gala event on 25th June, it’s always hard to get people to help charities especially when they are inundated with requests on a daily/weekly basis. Such wonderful causes and they don’t get as much attention and support as they deserve and compared to other well-known charities. And working on 65 Roses Day for PGPR and Cystic Fibrosis Australia is always a wonderful experience, this is my third year working on this campaign and I just love helping this wonderful cause. Did you know that there are only 40 people over 40 years of age alive with Cystic Fibrosis? The average life expectancy is 37 years of age which has increased significantly over the past 10 years thanks to donations, awareness, research and the dedication of the people who live with Cystic Fibrosis whether it is the person, the family, the friends or the people who work towards the goal of finding a cure.

But in-between this and other projects, I decided it was time to send out my press release to the media for the egg donor angels website. Today it went to over 1500 national print, magazine, TV and Radio media and I hope that this helps get the word out there that there is a need for not only awareness for infertility and egg, embryo and sperm donation but also a shortage of people for this.

I came up with the concept of the website in November last year so I created my Facebook and Twitter pages then and then finally launched the website over the Easter break this year.

Since the launch of my website there have been lots of support groups and websites popping up which is great news for spreading the word on the growing issue of infertility, the more we can get this message out there and help couples achieve their dream of having a family, the better.

I am soooo excited that we are sooo very close… though I have a decision to make about timing of the cycle, of course I want it to happen now but we also have had a 6 week holiday planned since we were away last year…. my body and mind feel like they need the planned break to swim, relax, bush walk and just enjoy after a busy and emotional year. Should we make our holiday the egg donor cycle and spend time around the house doing work or should we go away, come back refreshed to do the cycle in August?? The dilemma is amazing and each time I think about it, I change my decision. We have decided to think it over this long weekend, of course I have debated it in my head over and over and discussed it somewhat with Shane in between his going to work and sleeping! I hear my best friend and well she’s really a sister to me saying do it.. spent many many years trying to conceive and lost many babies and now has two wonderful boys to a sperm donor, so she knows how it feels. Then I hear another best friend and sister to me, saying to do what’s right, and then another I think I need to talk to, she is one of my rocks and an amazing person, I love all my wonderful friends and couldn’t have gotten through the past ten years without your love, support and guidance, thank you xox

Of course we only have a week to decide before our leave starts and I have soooo much to do… I think it’s time for a cuppa, check the fire as it’s fwweeeeezzing here and do some more work and maybe think about it later when I take the doggie for a walk and run..

Will keep you updated and let you know of my decision

Dianne xox

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So how did our journey start…

Evening…..

After a busy few weeks I am taking some time to write about our journey as promised. As its bbbbrrrr very cold outside, the fire is roaring, the dog is asleep beside me, the cat is meowing at me (yes she’s been fed!) and Shane is at work…

I was married for many years to someone who I thought I was in love with….unfortunately he wasn’t the person I thought he was, and after finding about the lying and cheating, I broke free and started my life again.

The hardest part was that I knew I wanted a family and knew time was running out for me….you can’t really say on the first, second or third date… so…how about a family…. like now!

In looking for a housemate as I had to pay the mortgage and credit card debt on my own, I met this wonderful man through a friend that he worked with. I can still picture him walking up the path to my front door for the first time and thinking to myself “this guy seems really nice and sweet”. How right I was!

However it took us a month or so to talk again after one of my other housemates was moving out and suggested I ring him and see if he still needed somewhere.. so I did, he had a place but from that call we had our first date and we are still together six years later.

The saddest and hardest part for us as a couple was to overcome our fears and trust issues. My distrust due to my ex’s lying and cheating.. his due to his ex taking his daughter from him at the age of two for no reason other than spite. Stephanie is now 15 years old (about to turn 16). He has paid child support since and spent years and thousands of dollars trying to find her. Last year thanks to the internet, we found her and he got to speak to Stephanie. Sadly she has been “brainwashed” by her mother and wants nothing to do with her father but thanked him for the spending money (child support). The only reason the mother; Marie gave as to why she kept their daughter away from her father was that his mother had fed her cold vegetables and something about cold water. If you knew his Mum you would know this would not be true and I would ask anyone, really is that a good enough reason to keep your child away from their father??

So Shane had major trust issues, understandably. He wanted a family but was terrified that it would happen again. So while I wanted children, he didn’t and so years went by until I finally went to an IVF clinic and got myself checked out. The report was ok, so I waited a bit longer… and a bit longer as he just wasn’t ready.. then I finally said now! Sadly for us, when I went back to the IVF clinic, the results were not good, it’s amazing how quickly things can change. I only did SIUI’s, I never had enough follies (potential eggs) for IVF or so the clinic said. I was too much of a risk to their statistics to try to use the one or two follies/eggs. We went to another clinic and they were wonderful. They said lets just try that one follie/egg and see what happens but then it was well and truly too late!

All along ” you need an egg donor” had been suggested to me, it takes a while to come to terms with this and I wanted to keep trying. So I started the process of finding our egg donor angel but at the same time kept trying naturally and through the IVF clinic.

We then had a wonderful egg donor angel offer but she had to pull out due to health concerns…we had advertised originally in the local paper, on forums and on social media sites but no one was suitable. There were a number of wonderful offers but for various reasons including health they were not suitable.

It was from that, that I realised that it’s really really hard to find that egg donor angel and from that came this website.

As soon as I thought about this concept, I was ecstatic and started researching it and getting quotes to make it happen. almost six months later, it’s finally here and I hope that it will help other couples find their egg donor angel as we now have, more to come on this….

That’s our story, and I can’t wait to share this journey with you.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to helping you find your egg donor angel and for all of us to share our journeys together.

Take care Dianne xo